You’re 20 months old, a certifiable toddler!
6 months has passed since my last post and what a half year it has been. I have been kept busy by your transition from sweet unassuming infant to vivacious and autonomous toddler. Your chubby cheeks are sliming, your once round body extending and your vocabulary and motor skills improving daily.
It seems from the moment you turned one a wildfire of independence has erupted inside you, a fire fed by your growing realisation of your own self-sufficiency and your ability to assert your desires and more commonly your dislikes.
“No” has become your favourite phrase and it feels as if I spend 50% of my day in a victor-less stand off with you. Your defiance makes me exasperated but also amused, as you stand with your hands on your hips so fortified already in your opinions. You make me proud.
However when I deny your requests what follows is a meltdown of Chernobyl proportions. Your tiny face fills with fury as you burst into hot angry tears. What I did not expect is such a tiny creature to harbour so many uncontrollable swirling emotions.
In these times of turmoil I do what I do best, I try to love you, console you and help you through the tantrums with as minimal destruction as possible. But I cry when you go to sleep. I cry for the baby I once knew who it seems some days has vanished, I cry for the ways I know that I let you down daily and the times that I lost my temper and I cry most of all for YOU. I cry for you because you’re frustrated, misunderstood and because this is only the beginning of you learning that this crazy life is full of setbacks and disappointments.
However in the midst of the tears, tantrums, Mexican standoffs and utter chaos of toddlerhood you’re still my gentle nurturing soul. The boy who now stops to smell flowers in the garden, snuggles in tightly against my side to read picture books and loves all those in his life ferociously. Your growing independence and increasing rebellion are just evidence that you’re changing, growing and becoming your own person seperate from myself.
So while I may still cry for the lost infant I knew or have to wipe away tears at your mounting frustrations I will continue to find solace in the fact that you are still my sweet boy but you are EVOLVING and showing every single day through your defiance who you are and what you want. I’m catching more solidified glimpses of the person you will grow to be and baby, I couldn’t be more excited to get to know you, tantrums and all.